Doing Hard Things

Aisha Tyler is a comedian, actress and pod-caster who has a penchant for video games, hard alcohol, geeky culture,  and dirty language.  In other words, she is totally awesome.  You will also find her on the hum-drum daytime talk show, "The Talk." (to pay the bills) and it was in this latter venue that I recently caught the below clip which has inspired me to share this post today.  Please watch.

 

Like Aisha, I too have been with my hubby for a long time. Like Aisha, I also spent years focused on individual goals, and gaining stability in my life, which lead to the decision to try to have kids later in life. Like Aisha, it wasn't happening quickly and we sought help. Like Aisha, I also went through the IVF process, suffering shots and spending money and suffering, silently because like Aisha, it was such a difficult time of my life that I didn't share it with many people. And finally, like Aisha, I was told it wasn't likely to happen for me and we had to come to the decision to stop trying.

The past 3 years have been on a journey, and we’ve had to do a lot of soul searching and also have had to learn how to effectively articulate our feelings. We’ve been vulnerable and have opened ourselves up to one another in ways neither of us expected. In this time of crisis, we’ve come together and that’s how I know we’re perfect for each other. We’re in it for the long haul, even if we can't have a biological family. It's not always the case, though.  Statistically, many couples faced with infertility aren’t able to come to a meeting of the minds. The ability to have a family is so fundamental in a marriage that even the law allows people to divorce on the grounds of sterility or infertility. It’s looked at as a basic requirement or right and pregnancy is something that is often taken for granted. It’s no wonder couples split when they are not successful. It’s simply not a problem anyone realistically prepares for. 

For me, it was this lack of preparation that lead me to keep our fertility efforts private for so long.  I didn't know what to say or who to tell or how much to share. Enter Aisha Tyler.  In addition to pretty much mirroring my own experience, it was such a comfort to see someone who talks for a living admit she had a difficult time letting anyone know what she was going through but in spite of that, had the courage to go on national TV and talk about it anyway.  I found it inspiring and I wish I could personally thank her for it.

The result of many years, tears and about $20k