Not-So-Great Expectations

I am probably going to surprise those who think me a die-hard bleeding heart liberal by admitting that I am utterly and woefully disappointed in Sam Adams.

Disappointed for the bad reputation he is giving our city. Disappointed for confirming the beliefs of ignorant people who think gay men are all pedophiles and weirdos. Disappointed for furthering the double standard that teenage boys can “deal with their sexuality” better than teenage girls. But most importantly, I am disappointed for lying to get in to office.

Right now, as we focus on our weak economy and poor job market, we are all being asked to make sacrifices and show integrity and good decision making. We’re asked to rebuild alliances through diplomacy and to model civility by honoring civil rights, no matter what. Essentially, we’re being asked to act like Americans. Too bad the mayor’s office didn’t get the memo.

Weird Wednesday

~Volume 1~

Keep Portland Weird. It’s sort of become our unofficial motto around here. In honor of this, I dedicate today the first "Weird Wednesday" in which I’ll periodically share something irreverent or strange.

So to kick it off, I thought I’d share that I’ve had this weird obsession lately with water towers. I don’t know why… I just find myself noticing them throughout the city and especially when I travel. I’ve gone so far as to take pictures of them. Maybe I’ll get out my good camera and do a whole series of them? I don’t know, but I thought I’d share this one, the most magnificent specimen I’ve seen. It sits in front of the Firehouse and Cultural Center in North Portland. I just think it’s cool. And yes, you can see the Taco Time sign because I took this picture from the drive-thru across the street.

So now that I've shared this strange compulsion, please feel free to reveal something weird about YOU. And for heaven's sake, have a weird day.

The People’s Republic of... Portland?

I was reading this article in the Wall Street Journal wherein Russian academic and self-proclaimed brainiac, Igor Panarin shares his prediction that the US will disband, or “disintegrate” by the year 2010. Mr. Panarin posits, in brief, that mass immigration, the plummeting economy, and moral degradation will trigger a civil war next fall and the collapse of the dollar. Around the end of June 2010, or early July, he says, the U.S. will break into six pieces -- with Alaska reverting to Russian control and the rest of the country split between China, Mexico and the European Union.

Here’s a link for the dedicated: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB123051100709638419.html

At first amused, I read on wondering what our country look like if such a split were to happen. Luckily, there was a diagram included with the article.

Above is the map of how this guy, who by all accounts seems to be a highly educated and well respected human, sees our nation’s demise. Now, I don’t think the idea itself is completely crazy. I am reminded every election year just how diametrically opposed some Americans are from their countrymen.

I take this as yet another example of how often times, highly intelligent people have no common sense. And I have to wonder, has this guy ever been to America? A five minute discussion with anyone in say, Alabama, and you’d know there’s no way The South is going to become part of Mexico. Furthermore, I don’t see Montana and Wyoming residents rushing to snuggle up with Canada any time soon. No, Mr. Panarin, no matter how smart you are, you don’t know jack about the U.S.A., comrade!

Still, if we were to suffer a total collapse, what country would be your first pick to adopt the Great Northwest?

New Year, New Blog

I’m not really a resolution maker. At least, I’m not the type to make them exclusively for New Year’s. So when I decided this week to revisit my blog, you should know that it was probably more coincidental than intentional.

Now, that said, I am not a writer but I love to tell a story. The thing about telling a story though is reveling a bit in the listener’s reaction which, I’ll admit, was my biggest hurdle and disappointment when last I tried to blog. I’d formulate my entry and afterward sit and think, “God, that was a good one!” only to find over the next few days that no one believed my insights were as hilarious, witty or poignant as I did. That or they chose not to express their agreement or argument in the form of the coveted blog comment. No, blogging is not for the lovers of instant gratification so, for now, I’ll just have to see how I feel about putting thoughts out in to the ether and letting them hang there like a fart in the car.

Moreover, I’m not a great writer so by that logic, I’m not a great blogger (and no, I’m not looking for kudos or remarks to the contrary). Luckily, I happen to know of some great bloggers, one of which also happens to be a musical idol of mine, the talented Ms. Carrie Brownstein. She recently listed a few resolutions that can more accurately explain my own feelings about things like music, Facebook and punctuation than I could ever articulate. So in honor of the New Year, please consider the following, lifted from her fabulous “Monitor Mix” blog on NPR:

New Year's Resolutions
The comma key fell off of my MacBook Pro. Thus, my first resolution is to regain easy access to commas in 2009. Trust me that each comma in this post was a pain in the ass to type. Remember when people used to have to write out commas by hand? Not as laborious as the ampersand, but still.

Rein in my love affair with Facebook. Yes, we're still in the honeymoon phase, but I'd rather do the preemptive break-up than end up hurt and rejected. A few months ago, Facebook membership among my friends reached a Gladwellian tipping point. A lot of people who would theretofore never have considered joining a social-networking site caved in, shed their mistrust of visibility and nostalgia, and embraced the concept wholeheartedly. For the two Monitor Mix readers who are not on Facebook, think of it like this: Do you ever wonder what the guy you sat next to in high-school math class is doing? Right now? Well, Facebook answers that question. He is doing his laundry. Yes, it's that exciting. My highest Facebook achievement to date entails a mobile photo upload of a Gresham police officer issuing me a speeding ticket. But I actually do love the site for making sense of all of the disparate groups of friends I have around the world, gathering them in a single virtual sphere, and making my relationship with them present instead of past-tense. Facebook has also become a repository for our old photos -- the pre-digital ones -- creating a fluid historical space, linking one music scene to another, charting one decade's transformation into the next, illuminating a generation of citizens' effect on their predecessors, and acting as a simultaneous artifact and living museum. So, for the most part, Facebook has been a positive, sometimes exciting enterprise. Yet over the holidays, I found myself discussing Facebook at parties, which gave me pause. Here I was, in person with my friends, talking about our virtual friendship. Then, another friend of mine sent me a note that read, "Wow, you are taking this Facebook thing seriously." My skepticism was reborn.

Avoid free shows and spend money on worthy bands. The other night, I saw a Swedish performer called The Tallest Man On Earth perform for free at Rom Tom's. After reading a glowing preview of the show in our local weekly, I decided to be spontaneous and head out for the night. I was shocked to pull up to the bar and see a line around the block -- SXSW- or CMJ-style. Apparently, Portlanders will attend anything that allows them to spend more money on alcohol by spending less on art. And that is a shame, because the self-proclaimed Swedish Dylan was a highly contrived act with a huge audience. So in 2009, I want to seek out more live music -- and not just when it's free or easy or convenient, but when it's likely to be both inspiring and edifying.
Additionally: Be patient, read and write more, drink less soda pop, continue to volunteer, and be appreciative of what I have.

You said it, sister. I know it was kinda cheap to start the year with blatant plagiarism but hey, have a happy 2009 anyway.