Baby Steps

Since being diagnosed as infertile and discovering that we were unable to have biological children, we've been in a sort of holding pattern as far as family planning.  Mainly, this is due to the profound grief and sense of loss that came from our two unsuccessful IVF cycles, both of which, we still had to pay for.  We fought the good fight and lost. In the wake of realizing just what that loss meant to a couple who wanted nothing more than to start a family, we both felt like we should avoid making any big decisions while these wounds were fresh. I think it was a wise choice, but after almost a year (although, it feels like much longer) we came to the conclusion recently that we're ready to explore the possibility of adoption.

We're just in the very beginning of this journey so really all we are doing is a lot of research and reading and on the subject.  We're attending seminars and talking to friends, family, lawyers, and social workers, colleagues and acquaintances; anyone that can help us navigate the process and although we have more questions than answers at this point, it definitely feels like we're moving forward. And that has been very healing and helpful.

So much of our struggles with infertility centered around a feeling of helplessness.  That's not easy to accept when you're a person who is usually able to get things done. When there's a problem, I tend to look for a solution - and Matt even more so has this personality trait. He's very mechanically and technically apt... the guy fixes things for a living! So to be told "there's nothing you can do" was so hard to accept that it seemed surreal for a long time.  But I feel now that sense of despair starting to fall away as we begin to seriously consider adoption.

I'm excited, nervous, a little freaked out and intrigued by what may come of all this.  I'm sure I'll have more to share soon, but for now, I'm just feeling good about the choice we've made.