Skyespace

Mishap
(feel free to stop reading if you've heard this one before)

Let me just say right up front that I don't use toilet seat covers. For one, it's a waste of paper and also, I don't think they really DO anything for you. Furthermore, I've never heard of anyone ever catching anything from sharing a potty. At least, not anything you can't get an over the counter remedy for. But here at work, I notice that everyone uses them and my self consciousness occasionally gets the best of me. Especially after on particularly busy day in the rest room. I opened the door to find someone waiting outside one of the three stalls.

"Are you in line?" I asked.
"No, that one is out of toilet seat covers," she replied and pointed to the center stall.

Without hesitation, I went right on in there and did my business, sans protective paper covering. I could almost hear her gagging on the other side of the door. Since then, when I see her in the restroom, I make sure she hears that I do indeed use toilet seat covers when they are present and am not the type of gal to just pee in any old hole. Well, that lead to me using them whenever ANYONE was in the restroom because, let's face it, you never know what people think and a girl has to protect her reputation.
I went in today and there were 3 or 4 other people in there so, not wanting to start any rumors about my lack of hygiene, I took a cover out of the holder, making as much noise with the paper as possible so all could hear.

The trouble started when I sat down. I don't want to get graphic, but it is necessary to know that when you sit, your butt cheeks spread just a bit and when you stand, viola, they go right back to their regular position. Now, that's all fine and good, but when you put a piece of paper in close proximity, there can be a sort of clamping effect. Add moisture and you can have a real problem, especially when you're in a hurry to stand up and start pulling up your britches only to find you have a damn toilet seat cover hanging out of your rear. Luckily, I noticed before I got my pants up, but they still got a drip or two on them because, I don't know what those things are made of but not all of the pee goes thru the nice little hole in the middle of them. Sometimes it just hangs out on top of the sheet, waiting to drip all over you when you stand up. I squatted over the bowl and gave the paper a yank and as I did, the pee that didn't go thru got all over my hands as well as my jeans. I tried to toss the paper in the toilet but it was stuck to my wrist. I'm sure everyone thought by now that I was wrestling with the seat cover because it was making all kinds of noise as I struggled (pants down around my ankles) to get free of it. I nearly started laughing out loud.

Now I ask you, was that more sanitary than skipping the whole thing altogether? I think NOT.