Trying to Open Up to the Idea of Open Adoption

We've attended our first two informational seminars at the main adoption agencies here in Portland.  Both offer very similar services and both have given a general overview of the steps we need to take and what we can expect as we go through during this process.

While I'm excited to finally get the ball rolling and hopeful with the thought of moving forward, I have to say, the most daunting part of this whole thing is the idea of an open adoption.  Now, I know that from everything I've read (and I've been reading a lot on this topic, lately) that open adoptions, where the birth mother is involved (to some degree) in the child's life, are proven to be more healthy and successful than those where they are not. I understand it is in the best interest of the adopted child and all families concerned.  Logically, it makes sense to me that this is the best possible approach, but I can't help but feel like it in some way diminishes my role as adoptive mother.

I'm sure it is a natural feeling and probably something that subsides after we get further along in the process, but right now, at this stage, I just can't help but get anxious every time I think that that there will be another mother in my child's life.  And that this other person will have the same features as my child as well as a biological bond that I lack is really hard to accept right now.  As if infertility wasn't enough? I already feel somewhat diminished and inadequate. The thought of some stranger being in a position of such power over my family-to-be is scary.  We already have go through the home study process and prove we are even worthy of becoming parents, then to have to deal with a birth mom is just another obstacle looming on the horizon.

We're trying to remain optimistic and I am sure all of these thoughts are shared by other adoptive parents.  I'm hoping it gets easier as time goes on but some days, the effort that it takes to navigate the adoption waters is so emotionally exhausting that it's tempting to give up altogether and raise goats or adopt feral cats. Of course, I won't really give up - I know there are people who have had a much harder struggle, who have actually lost children during pregnancy or during the adoption process and I'm thankful that I haven't had to deal with that.  I'm determined not to let my fear of the unknown ruin my chances or worse, let that fear influence the way I will raise a child.