I'm Going Straight To Hell For Even Thinking This
I work with this really, really, really nice woman who is very, very, very Christian (like Bible-beater from the South, Christian). She is also extremely, extremely, extremely tiny (like a strong breeze might knock her over tiny) and on top of that, she has this high pitched, mousy little voice and due to various health problems, she sometimes shakes when she talks. All and all, she is just about the most pitiful sight I have ever seen.
Well, her mother just passed away last week and while I feel SO awful for her, she came to work the very day after it happened. Trying to be sensitive, I asked her if she thought she was ready to be back at work and she said that she needed some distraction and that she didn't want to stay home where she would be tempted to dwell on it all day. Here's the problem; she then walked cubicle to cubicle and told everyone in the department, soliciting hugs and apologetic condolences from every one of us, whether we knew her or not. Furthermore, since she has newly transferred from another department, she went to every one of her old coworkers as well and told all of them about it, too. Then, she tracked down each member of management. All told, the relaying of her mother's passing (which she was trying not to dwell upon) lasted until lunch time.
The next day was Friday which she took off.
Not wanting to seem like a total callous hag, I shared this observation with no one.
So it's Monday and she's back to work, making the rounds again. Now she tells me that it is going to be another month before they can have a funeral because the graveyard in Virginia where her family is buried is booked solid until September due to the war. (Why this isn't on the evening news is a topic for another blog).
Being a callous hag, all I can think about is that I am going to have to hear about this for another four weeks. Moreover, I worry that I will plain run out comforting things to say. Not being good with the touchy-feely aspect of people management, I fear that I will resort to humor inappropriately or appear to be dismissive if I try to change the subject. I guess we all grieve differently and God knows what I'd do if my mom died. Probably lock myself in a room for a month. But what I wouldn't do is say that I don't want to think about it and then proceed to spend the day talking about it (though I do believe that sometimes thinking and talking are totally unrelated as I clearly possess the ability to speak without any thought at all).
Now she wants to be exempt from the "associate appreciation happy fun day" on Wednesday because she just doesn't think that she'll be much fun. Whatever. If she gets to ditch, I am totally snagging her drink ticket.
7 comments:
OK,
The fact that she is still at it today (9/23) says that she is a sympathy-hound. Not to downplay her sadness, but nobdoy like to hear over and over again how bad she is feeling.
I say, get an office pool together, hire a gigalo, and have the escort politely remind her that there IS a difference between work and personal relationships.. if that doesn't work, sned Matt to her and have him yell at her to be quiet :-)
Having been on the 'her' end of things, I'm really appalled. HAHA, you thought I was going to say with you, didn't you, my dear? But no. Mike got it in one, which means you skewered it in 0.5....I can maybe forgive for seeking that kind of repetitive sympathy from friends and family who knew the person who passed....MAYBE. But to force it upon a group of co-workers who, at the very least, have something called WORK to do at work instead of hugging and patting and looking aghast and saddened is just emblematic of someone who's got bigger issues than the loss of a loved one.
I won't go into my little Rory's episode that involved getting hammered and tipping ass over teakettle in the bar, running into a parking garage and bawling mascara all over a friend's shirt, and then forcing said friends to hide in the kitchen with the lights off so that I could run into the bathroom without being seen....but let me stress that it was a) with friends, b) under the influence of a tasty beverage called Sapphire n' Tonic, and c) the culmination of at least 7 months worth of untapped grief. And I'm *still* mortified about it.
I suspect she's happily tucking away the memories of each of her Cube Stops into the little scrapbook in her mind...
"Son of a beesting, she's turning the whole office against us!"
Matt pointed out on Saturday evening that he thought it was cruel and below Skye to continue to write blogs about her beloved *tards at the water cooler* which does technically include this one grieving misfit. I disagree. Well, we ALL disagree, right Skye?! There ought to be acceptable standards in the workplace, that's really what this particular blog is about! So Matt, don't be bitter...and you know the rest.
As for T's 'Rory episode', I can attest to how badly she felt after subjecting him to the popped balloon of emotion that night in the bar. But to be fair, I know my T, and she is right on the money to say that she was SO far beyond the need for a shoulder to cry on, plain and simple. 7 months of *going about your day like normal* sure warrants a boobfest in my book. I wish I could have been the friend to lose a nice shirt to your cheap mascara :) Long story short; Your situation=A far cry from this lady's.
If only it had really been a *boob*fest...then I'd have something to show for it! :p
Tell Matt to be careful or he might be the next subject of discussion....
So she's back now from the funeral and the FIRST thing she did was silently enter my cube and reveal to me an 8X10 photo of her mother and father. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY? Nice tie? You have, er, had your mother's eyes? I am at a loss. I just smile and nod now and pray that she moves on.
It looks like she's going to carry the photo with her all day...
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