Skyespace

Recipe for Disaster

Has anyone seen Be Cool? What a piece of doody. I just watched this sequel to Get Shorty on DVD and boy am I pissed. Elmore Leonard should kick F. Gary Gray in the teeth for transforming his novel into such a contrite and muddled mess. Though you have to hand it to him, he has found a short cut through the arduous process of adapting a screenplay. Instead of expending the effort to formulate a plot and develop characters, Gray reverts to stereotypes, clichés and the dreaded montage to move this film along. And I use the word “film” loosely as this was more like a music video stuffed with an array of meaningless cameos. Also, stuffed was John Travolta in to a black Italian suit, half a size too small. How fitting that his character’s name was Chili Palmer….he looked as bloated as a contestant in a chili eating contest.
It makes me wonder what kind of chili Chili Palmer is? Probably a meaty one that gives you gas.

In honor of the worst movie I’ve seen this year, I’ve concocted a recipe of my own design. Just like the movie, it is sure to be a gastronomical flop:

Chili Con Palmer:

One pound of Italian sausage, overcooked (For Travolta, of course)
¼ cup chili powder
One 12 oz. can of Pepsi (for blatant product placement)
One scoop of Vanilla Ice cream (for the obvious VH-1 behind the music rip-off)
1/2 cup Vodka (for the Russian mafia stereotype)
1 can of tomato juice (mix with vodka and have a Bloody Mary if you don’t want to cook)
1 12oz. can of kidney beans
1 12oz. can of pinto beans
1 12oz. can of Black Eyed Peas (wait, what the hell are they doing in here?)
1 large smelly onion (for the stinky performance of Cedric the Entertainer)
Salt-n-Pepa to taste (because they were the only rappers not parodied or performing in this movie)

Combine all ingredients in a crock-pot and simmer for two hours. Upon tasting, try not to mourn at the loss of the last two hours. It could have been worse, after all. You could have been watching Be Cool.